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Aug, 2013

Defeat Verizon Tech Support

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How to defeat Verizon Tech support

 

Yes it is a war.  You need to win it too, or else you will descend into turmoil and misery.    How do you fight?  What are your weapons?     Good questions, you need to use all of these tools I about to give you to claim victory.   You are a shark.   If a shark stops it dies, you need to keep moving forward until you get your answers.

Lets start!

You need a pad and pen.   You need a cinnamon roll and a hot chocolate, and you need a lot of time.

Write down the number and options you are using when you call support.   If you call 888 555 1212, write it down, write down what buttons you press 3, 1, 4 to get to where you can speak to a person.  Write down the person’s name you are speaking too.  Write that down.   This is important.

Write down what you want.   Write down exactly what you need on the paper, you may need to alter it based on what responses you get from your questions.   If your questions aren’t clear or don’t make sense you want to re-write them down, so they make better sense.   You might not be able to get what you want due to not asking it in the right way.

When you reach a person don’t let them take the wheel, don’t let them control you with mindless questions about who you are, you need to control them.    When you get someone on the phone you need to ask them what department or support area they are in, and if they can help you with the kind of problem you have, don’t tell them who you are or what your address is until they help you.  Don’t try and talk to someone about billing issues that doesn’t deal with that.  If you are not at the right person, then you need to ask for the following:

  1. “Please transfer me to the right person, tell me what number they are at, or what options they are from the phone system and I need you to stay on the line with me until we reach the right person.”    They will resist this tactic, some may just transfer you to oblivion, some might say they don’t know where they are sending you too, some may say they can’t do that.   Pull the supervisor card.
  2. Supervisors are usually tech support people that have been there a very long time, like a year.  Supervisors usually try to help you more than the regular tech support people.   If you can get to a supervisor you are golden.   They are the going to know what you can and can’t do you can believe them, as you aren’t going to go much higher than them.
  3. They all have supervisors but some may resist you and not help you they will put you on forever hold or transfer you to oblivion, which is another department in Verizon.   This is why you need to write down the numbers you used to get to the right place again.
  4. Ask Nicely: when you can’t understand anything that the person on the phone is saying then ask to be handed off to another tech.   They will most likely transfer you to oblivion or put you on forever hold.  You need to then refer back to the phone number and number combination you wrote down before to get back to where you need.
  5. You may just hang up and try again if you aren’t getting anywhere and try your luck with another person.   Don’t take this personally, just keep pounding.  Keep powering through it.   It is a war, not fun time.   Don’t stay on the phone with someone you can’t understand or don’t like.  It will end badly.

Aggression – You need to be very aggressive with what you want, don’t go into the support session thinking that you need to make friends or that you should be entertained or have excellent customer service.  You are not there to make friends, why are you there?  You need to get the answers to your questions, you need to be sure of what you want and you need to tell the tech support person what you want.   The moment you show weakness is when they give you a canned answer that doesn’t help you at all and pass you into oblivion, something we are going to refer to as forever hold.    Being put on hold forever is essentially being hung up on, or being left on hold and never being gotten back too, forcing you to hang up and try again.     Establish what it is you want early in the call.

More aggression – They, (evil tech support) are going to try and get rid of you by – transferring to another person or department.   Keep in your mind that they are not trying to help you; they are trying to get rid of you.   Having you give up gets rid of you, answering your questions gets rid of you, transferring you to another department gets rid of you, telling you something isn’t supported gets rid of you. There are many ways to get rid of you.  You having the right number combinations written down on your pad and the right phone numbers are going to help you get back in.

The spiel

How can we give you excellent customer service, my name is blah blah blah my customer service number is blah blah blah.   Who cares?  No one!  Let me also tell you if you haven’t been given excellent customer service or if you try and report someone for being a dick to you, you can’t.  This isn’t Montgomery wards from 1920’s there is no complaint department.   No one cares, no one will let you complain, no one wants to know about your feelings or thoughts.  If you think they do, you have lost the war.    Blow past all that crap.   If someone is being a jerk face to you, who cares, you need to get what you want, from the jerk face, he \she might have the answers you need.     There is one way to get back at them,   the end survey, which if you fill out you need to make outrageously bad claims about service.  When you fill out the survey you want to say the most insane things for it to be noticed.  You need to tell them that support was so bad that you want to sue them.  Then what?  They will call you and apologize.   Trust me that is even a bigger waste of time then complaining.  Having some vp or manager call you back at 7am and apologize is like hitting your head against a wall repeatedly.   Don’t complain, don’t accept apologies,  move on.     This entire part of the call is a smoke screen.

Who you are?

What is your name, phone number address?   What number can I reach you back at if we drop connection?  All that is BS, you need to give them minimal info until you find out if they can fix your problem.  Try and circumvent these questions with questions of your own.   No one has ever called me back after we have lost connections, I don’t know why they even ask.  I have dropped about 100 calls and never been called back one time by anyone.    So ask them questions, like can you help me first, before I give you my entire life story.  Can you even help me?  Am I in the right department/?  Some people will force you to give them your info before they will talk to you.   Force them back to tell you if they are the right person.    If you are not asking them what the right number combo is or department that you need,  then you need to do that.   After you have said your name 20 times this will make sense to you.

The transfer

Eternal hold, oblivion, dial tone.   That is what they transfer has waiting for you.  So what you need to do is pre-empt it by asking what the direct number they are transferring you too.   What the number combination is to press to get to where you are going, what is the department, or even better, have them wait on hold with you and hand you off to the next person.   Many hundreds of times I have had the person wait on hold with me only to find out we were going to the wrong person.

Summary

You want to cut to the chase as quickly as possible and take notes while you are on the phone.   You want to ask for things, and be able to pick up where they leave you off at.   Don’t let them press you with repetitive questions and don’t let them control the direction of the conversation.